The Year That Was

This one is more out of desperation to shore up the numbers, to keep up to one the promises I made sometime during the year. So I sit here, with a glass of 'black' scotch, a burning stick in my hand and the ipod firmly plugged in playing oasis, to look at the year gone by.

Here it is, the record making post!

The year began with a strong conviction. I decided I was gonna fight for her. It wasn't going to be easy. I braced myself and threw in the gauntlet. And so the war began. I wasn't exactly a veteran at this, but I was gonna fight anyways. After a lot of 'bloodshed', melodrama, ruined weekends and walking in the rain, it was over. They gave in. We obliged.

I moved up a li'l, professionally. It wasn't much, but its gotta be one of the best years at work so far. Learnt a few new things, unlearnt a lot of old things. First time in a long time felt at ease and in control.

A friend went out. Although we weren't exactly weekend friends, but do miss her. I still haven't watched HP7.1

A friend came in. Thought me that impossible is actually nothing and trying is the least you could do.

A few parties with the colleagues. Discussed the political standpoint (at work), ex-flames, new flames and why in the lord's name is she so annoying.

A galore of house parties with the usual suspects. Nothing like partying with them. Its actually kinda easy when all of them have the same thing on their minds :)

And there were a lot of things I hated and a lot that I loved.

Hated the summer heat. Loved the rains. Hated the commute. Loved the conversations. Hated being alone. Loved the social networks. Hated Despicable Me. Loved Toy Story. Continued to hate pasta and love pizza. Hated running. Loved the walks. Hated the certainties. Loved the uncertainties. Hated the fights. Loved the fights.

So here I'm at the fringes of a new year, a new life, a new home and a new roommate. I'm excited. I'm scared. But I think I'll survive.

Stand By Me - 2

Continued..

M. Met him graduation. A very genuine guy with a big heart, a guy whom you could count on anytime. But he was also a kinda guy, much to his undoing, who would wallow in self pity always. So naturally, we were like chalk and cheese.

He was very helpful when I entered a totally different phase of my college life. We became great buddies in pretty quick time. Then there was a girl (Dammit there is always a girl!). So some people used this and his self pitiful nature to make him walk away. It took as many as 7 years and a few shots to clear that difference. He apologized for his behavior. But like with all 'great friendship gone bad fixed after a long time', will never be the same again. Its still nice to have him around without any hard feelings.

S. She is probably the closest friend I've ever had from the fairer sex. She had my back when the chips were down. She stuck up for my good and helped me fight. But it wasn't always like that.

We got off to a very bad start. But time helped to get rid of the prejudices. She was there when I needed a friend pretty badly. She was there when no one was there. She was just there whenever I had to laugh, cry, celebrate or confide. She helped mend my broken heart. I can't ever repay her for all that. But I guess thats what friendship is about. You don't have to worry about keeping an account. When I look at her family now, my heart fills with joy. Guess, karma took care of my repayment. Just can't wish her enough.

R. More popularly A. Sometimes you meet some people and tell yourself that you are never goin' to be friends with them. And sometimes you are wrong. And those times you are glad you were wrong.

He was there without actually being there during one of the bad phases. Not giving up on me till I was back on my toes. I think its times like these you realize the true worth of a friend. You will rarely come across such guys. Someone who can make you laugh as well as laugh on themselves. You can ignore them, despise them and take them for granted. But they will always stick around. These are friends for life.

D. We'll never ever talk about the friendship that we share, with each other or with anyone. But I believe we have been great friends in a very not-so-obvious way!

He is probably the closest to what I am. We have a very similar outlook towards life. Just love all the conversations we have had when downing the drinks. Even when in the same room in mute mode we are conversing. Thats because we do think pretty much alike. And of course, watching Simpsons has never been better!

A guy with a very clear heart, unselfish and a great partner in crime. Can't make any bones in telling I miss him.

At the end, all I can say is, I've been very lucky to have had such great friends to share this life with. I might have not been a great friend to all these people as much as they have been to me, but I hope I do better.

Everyday is full of tests. Some tests of character, some tests of fortitude and some tests of friendship. And if you are lucky, you'll pull through with flying colors.

Men Will Always Be Boys

I was at a menswear showroom the other day and was reading one of their in-house magazines which carried an article on how men will always be boys. It was in great humor and guess every guy can relate to it in a way. I did, in entirety!

A lot of stuff has changed in the past 10 years..you've found a job, maybe changed a few by now, you have your own bank balance, own set of wheels, possibly even your own pad and a steady girlfriend..but there are a lot of stuff which hasn't..

..the fact that you'll never be able to resist anything that moves on wheels...and that most of the time you're trying to look more serious than you're feeling because there's always a good joke lurking around somewhere...and yeah, you could give Keith Richards a run for his money, if you wanted to...you're always smarter than the next guy...saying sorry like you mean it is still a tough one...and nothing, i mean nothing, lifts your spirits like well, spirits...you really do love her but commitment scares the hell out of you...you know what they say, the only difference between men and boys is the size of their feet and the cost of their toys...the attention span is still very less when an household chore is being explained...you believe that the bedspreads have to be used on both the sides and a pillow cover isn't a mandatory accessory to have a good night's sleep...

...even after all these years, the boy inside you has just refused to grow up. Maybe it is meant to be that way ;)

You've Got (e)Mail

e-mails are everywhere and have become a big part of our lives. It has lent a great deal of "voice" to our non-verbal communication. So naturally the e-mail service providers have given us enough "real" estate to "converse" and keep those tens of thousands of mails. But in my inboxes, I keep only the ones that I feel are really interesting (repeat value) and the ones which can cheer me up or make me reminisce when I look at them a few years later.

A few days ago, I was going through my inbox reading through the oldest to newest. It was like traveling time and revisiting my past. I was quite amazed reading them. As I went on reading, I could feel me "growing up" over all these years.

What one writes is a good reflection of one's personality. The words chosen, the tone used et al serve as useful parameters to gauge oneself. Probably if I wrote it today, I would sound a lot different.

Those mails took me through a spectrum of emotions. Some were cheerful. Some were exuberant. Some were filled with bonhomie. Some with hatred. Some with love. Some with despise. Some with melancholy. Some with introspection.

And found a couple of mails which have been life altering, each in its own way. I read them over and over and tried to comprehend them better. I tried to relive that moment in my head and understand what really prompted me or the other person to write whatever was written. But failed.

Maybe somewhere deep down we really don't want to know. Maybe because it's very hard to discover hard things about oneself.

Stand By Me - 1

Friends have always been a very integral part of my life. Some of them have them have always been around through thick and thin. They have been like family. In-fact i've confided more often with them than I have with my family. This has not always gone down well with my family. Though, it feels nice when friends and family click. But it hasn't really being so in my case. Maybe I just didn't make it a habit of opening up with them. Maybe I wasn't ever in the comfort zone with them. Maybe its just me.

But this isn't about my family feeling hard done. This is about all the different people who have been very close friends at different points of time in my life and how they thought me a thing or two along the way.

My first close friend was V. This guy was around during a significant part of my childhood. From kindergarten to tenth grade. He was a part of all my adventures and misadventures as a child and I was his. He was a smart chap and he helped me look smart. He used to think big in that tender age and would encourage me to do the same. But as we grow older, our egos also grew and so did the distance. He tried to rekindle the friendship after a few years but then I was comfortable with how things were now than how they were then without any hard feelings. He got married last year and I didn't get an invite. I wish him well.

I met T in the most exciting times of a young man's life, the teens! This guy was an eternal optimist. He was super cool about everything. At a time where everyone was seriously making plans for career and life, this guy would sleep! That's because he would be tired cycling to college and back home! He always said that one shouldn't be too serious about life and how it would all fall into place with time! He is a doctor now :) I haven't met him in a long time. But I think I'm gonna see him soon.

The next one, S, was the least emotive among all my close friends. We had carved out an uncharacteristic friendship quite unknowingly. He opened up about things to me that he normally wouldn't with anyone, even under the extreme influence of booze! He was a very hard working person with his priorities cut out like the ten commandments. Seldom is one genuinely excited about a friend's success, but I really was when he got his first job. I knew how much it meant to him. But it all started sliding downwards soon after. He thought I squealed about something he had told me that was close to his heart. Things got nasty and that was it. We reconciled after a few years and we meet often now. But sometimes, when things change, they are never the same again.

Next, another S, is probably the sweetest guy I've ever met and he is the person I've been most rude to! His smile, naivety and weight is totally disarming. He is the kinda guy you don't have to sweat to be good friends with. He was very much there during my teen 'tragedy'. He is a great guy, with whom friendship is just waiting to happen. And even today, after almost a decade of knowing him, he still continues to amaze me with his goodness. We might not be as 'siamese' as we were doing college, but we still haven't lost the beat.

(to be continued..)

Fluttering Butterflies

I'm just staring at something. Its been a while. I want to close my eyes. But scared. I wish there were some words. I take a step. And then two back. AmI sleepwalking back again? I feel numb. I try to wiggle my toes. I hope something happens. I don't want to be left in an emotional limbo.

I've forgotten a few things over the years. I want my whole life to flash in front of me once. Maybe I need a free fall. Maybe I just need to switch off the lights and stare into the soul. I hope its not too dark out there.

The Sound of Music

A few days ago there was a band (Thermal & a Quarter) playing in our office. Listening to them was sheer joy. I lost trace of time. It kind of made me sit back and think about my passion for music over the years and how it’s been an integral part of my life. The passion hasn't changed, only the medium has.

I've been fascinated by music from quite a young age. But it really got to me in my teenage. I was influenced by my uncle who was a big music buff himself. At one point of time, his collection had reached at-least a 1000 tapes. So when he moved out, he passed his whole library to me. My joy knew no bounds. I remember sitting among the pile of tapes and trying to sort them out by genre. But it was all ROCK. So I sorted them out alphabetically and prepared a catalogue, which was borrowed by one of my friend, never to give it back. Grapevine has it that he used it to impress the fairer sex!

At one point of time, I used to save all the pocket money I could, to get a tape recorded, after planning the playlist meticulously. In the later years, as soon as my savings would reach Rs.125, I would rush to the old music store to buy the new bon jovi or the NSync album (Yeah, NSync indeed! In my defense they were a pretty popular boy band and I was really not that embarrassed to listen to boy bands then). I used to listen to all kinds of music ranging from ACDC to BoyZone. Janis Joplin to Madonna. Beethoven to Enigma.
My parents and friends would say that it was really frivolous of me to spend so much on music. But even then I did it, because it used to make me very happy.

As I sat there in office that day, listening to the fusion rock the band was playing, I started thinking how much their life is different from my life. The lead vocalist/guitarist told us about the places they've been around the world, the cultures they've experienced, the people they've met, the passion that they've witnessed. Wow, all that must have thought them a thing or two about life.
I looked at each of the guys and could see how much each was into whatever he was doing. Be it the guitarist, bassist or the drummer, I saw a great deal of joy on their faces. Their work was bringing them happiness and satisfaction.

As I walked back to my work, I wished, if only I could feel the same.

Looking Back

I sat late in office that day. It was partly work, partly melancholy. Didn't have a clue of how I got into either of those. But whenever I stay late, I kinda slow down. The mind seems to be at ease. There is no pressure. And I kinda become nostalgic.

I felt like doing some introspection. I felt like looking back at the past 4/5 years, which arguably has been the most significant part of my life so far. So I opened up my blog archive and started reading chronologically. Blogging has been one of the best things I've done in the past few years!

The memories just flooded by. It was like traveling time and 'watching' them from the sidelines. The moments of joy, friendship, courage, frustration, love, loss, success, failures. They gave me goose-bumps. I was able to understand and find answers for some things. But there were some things which I failed to find answers for, even now.

A lot of things have changed and a lot haven't. A lot of people have come and gone. A few important ones have stayed. A lot of dreams have been shattered. A few of them have been realized. A lot of wrongs. A few rights. A lot of happiness. A few tears.

When I look back at all of it now, I wish a lot of things had turned out differently. Maybe given a chance to relive those moments, I would do things differently. I would take more risks. I would believe in myself more. I would be braver. I would express more. I would care more.
But then maybe I would just choose to relive it the same way.

Take My Breath Away

Its said that "life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away". And the funny thing is such moments are few. They can be counted on your fingers. But these few, give you enough joy to last a life time.

One of them is the day that we won a cricket match. It was the semis. My teammates played out of their skins to win it. It was an unbelievable feeling. Felt the true spirit of a team sport.

The first kiss. Sitting under the moonlight, not knowing the true sense of a kiss till then. When it happened, it felt magical. It was picture perfect.

l'l never forget the day I got my first job. More so since it came so unexpectedly. It made me realize that if you want something real bad, you'll get it. Its another thing that I somehow never got the same burning desire for anything since then.

The day I stood in the rain outside her house looking at the window. What made it memorable was that she eventually turned up at the window and came down to me.

On my 23rd birthday I wasn't with my roomies/friends. But they took quite some trouble and made sure that I got the cake at midnight.

Another day, they came to the airport just in time and did something special just because it would mean a lot to me. Just because it would make me happy.

True friends are the ones who really care for your happiness in-spite of getting nothing in return.

I got a call. She said I'm waiting at the entrance. I was on the fifth floor. I've never covered 5 floors on foot so fast. I just flew by the stairs. And there she was waiting with her back turned. I slowed as I neared her and called out her name, she turned around.

I was waiting for my baggage. She was waiting outside. I didn't want to wait for my baggage. Every second felt like a minute. Never ever have I wanted to run to some one so badly. I get my baggage and in the next moment I'm almost running through the airport lobby with the cart. I come out. The eyes are restless. Then I see her with tears held up in her eyes. I knew I was home.

All this and life is still nowhere near completion.

But I'm waiting..

Just Another Brick In The Wall

6:40. Beep. Snooze. 6:48. Beep. Snooze. 6:56. Don't even dare to snooze. Flush. Shower. Clothes on the chair. Shiny shoes. iPod in left rear pocket. Bus stop. 7:25. Cab. Office. Check mails. Oh no! Oh ok! Blink. Hey sh! Breakfast. Bug. Code. Bug. Blink. Coffee. TOI. Blah Blah! Back to desk. Yes boss. What!? OK :( Code. Bug. Doh! Blink. Lunch. His chick. Her Guy. Tattoo girl. Awwww! Stroll. Blah! ZZZZZ. Code. Doh! Blink. Outside. Tea. Fag. Blah Blah! Code. Update. 5:00. Sneak out. Cab. Blah Blah! ZZZZ. 6:30. Home. TV. Zoom. Hurman. Chinese model. Garbage. Black bag. Clean house. TV. IPL. Dine. Just wheat. Patience. Threshold. Internet. Facebook. Boring. Set clothes. Shine shoes. Midnight. Silence. Introspection. Know what I don't want. Don't know what I want. Frustrating. Life. Mundane. Insignificant. Average Joe. A life less ordinary.

Tired Cliches

Cliches are all over the place. As irritating as I find the existing ones, a new one is born everyday. Like IPL owners telling their players to just go out on the field and enjoy. Yah right! Don't bother winning matches! Anyways, they seem to be enjoying off the field too ;)

The one that I hate the most is "It rocks". Sachin rocks. SRK rocks. Rock rocks. This is probably the most abused word for some time now. I think the only thing that should "rock" is geology ;)

The next one is firang managers from onshore lauding the offshore team when they come over. "We can't express what great work you guys have been doing" is the line. They keep saying it till it starts sounding rhetoric. I so want to tell them to keep their invaluable words of praise with them and show us some money.

This is one has to be the most famous cliches in cricket commentary, made famous by Ravi Shastri. Anything hit flat and hard has to be described as "Woah! That went like a tracer bullet". ugh! I've heard it for almost 2 decades now.

When Tom Cruise said "You complete me" in Jerry Maguire, it was one of those "Awwwww!" lines. But it sounds so corny now. This is what over and inappropriate usage can do to a touchy line.

Politicians have been clicheing (sic) like forever now. "I'll bring change. Power. Water. Jobs. All you need". Its such a trite now that nobody even bothers to tell them so.

All said and done its just impossible to live without them I think. After all "History repeats itself"!

Anywhere But Here

Forrest Gump's momma said ""Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." She might have well been correct.

Sometimes you do not get what you wish for and sometimes you get things you didn't even wish for. And sometimes we are left in the lurch thinking whether you would ever get it or not.

Not everything we wish for can be rationalized. Sometimes we wish for things without any reasoning to it. They are driven by a strange/crazy crave within us. You look deep down inside, but fail to find any answers.

Its not easy to cope with what you get unexpectedly and what you did not get expectedly. You feel like getting outta there. Sometimes you just sit and wish for those magic shoes that would take you anywhere but here.

Love Works In Mysterious Ways

What trees feel at the first smell of rainy clouds..
What a mother feels looking at her child just after birth..
What a sister feels when her borther says sorry for his mistake for which their mom dad thought she was responsible..
What a girl feels when she is walking with her guy on a cold winter night and he holds her hand..
What a father feels when his son hugs him and says i love u dad..
What a friend feels when after a huge quarrel his friend sms's "i need u yaar!"..
What a grandparent feels when his grandson remembers his birthday and gets a cake to celebrate..
What two strangers feel who have just had a great conversation in years leaving with a feeling they might not see each other ever again..
Words cannot define all these but its only love that connects us all..

Courtesy: A lovely SMS!

SAD

Sometimes we are sad. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes for too many reasons. Sometimes we try to ignore and let it through. Sometimes we do multiple 360 degree flips on the bed and still can't let it through.

Its one of those nights.

Some are sad of their poverty. Some are sad of their helplessness. Some are sad that they got too many things without trying. Some are sad because they miss someone. Some are sad by guilt. Some are sad for being incapable of love. Some are sad of losing hair. Some are sad of gaining weight. Some are sad of not finding a suitable girl. Some are sad of their failures. Some are sad for inflicting pain on others. Some are sad of the distance. Some are sad because of their job. Some are sad that they can't find a job. And some, well, are just sad.

The truth is everyone gets sad. You're not alone. When we're sad, the world seems dark and unfriendly. We feel like we have nothing to look forward to. The hurt deep inside crushes our usually good mood.

How do you beat that?

Some just feel like being alone for a little while. Some might want someone to comfort them or just keep them company while they get through the feeling. I read somewhere that most of the times it feels like it will last forever, but usually it doesn't. Its gone once you wake up in the morning.

I hope its one of those.

The Pied Piper

Once in a while there comes along some one, who sort of adds color and enriches your life with their infectious gregarious personality.

When I joined the new company, things looked very different from the previous one. Teammates seemed more professional and more punctual. The managers were more hands on and more approachable. But what was missing was some fun. The bonding, the camaraderie and all that makes yout time in office a li’l enjoyable. The place was like a graveyard. They would come in and start working right away. They would think long before talking to each other. There was a deafening silence. Looked like some one was running a tight ship around. All in all it was like a dead-pan.

Then, along came Rusty. First some etymology about the name. Rusty is christened for someone who has had a bad hair day at VLCC. It’s so bad that it always looks like there is some dust settled on the head. It looks so natural (i.e. the “dust”) that you’ll think that some dusting would help. Later as the "dust" wears out a li'l, the hair looks to have caught some rust. Well, eventually the rust goes away but not the name.

It didn’t take him too long to shake up the uptight people. I guess even they were looking for an outage. He had a kind of black humor in his frolics. The best part was he didn’t think twice about making fun of himself. He always would have an anecdote or two about his goof ups which would have us in splits.

From the “free” beer that he went to have in the bud plant, to the time a cop held a gun at point blank. From the “extra small” photocopy of his PAN card to the time he sent his friend’s resignation without his knowledge. From the way he rescued my bed from simba’s omlette to the way he rescued himself from the ferocious bong girl. From the way he would say “Gucci” to all the girls’ names he just could not get right. From the blunder of the blue car to the faux pas of “stealing” the waiter’s tip. There is just no end to this!

But jokes aside. He was a guy with a big heart. He had all his morals/values in place. There was no pretence or malice in his actions. He was in a way, very self-righteous. He would go to any extent to help people. He was a very hard working and quite brilliant at it. He is every manager’s dream come true.

He quit last week. In his farewell speech, he spoke very passionately about work and life in general, in his characteristic humor for a few minutes. He spoke straight from the heart. Then I think he got a li’l overwhelmed with the situation and stopped. When he was leaving, people just flocked from all the teams around to wish him well. And my entire team just walked with him voluntarily till his car. I’ve never seen this happen with anyone before. That’s the kind of influence he had on all of us. The void wouldn’t go unnoticed.

Crossing The Line

It was one of the most awkward situations I've ever been in. He could not believe what had happened. Neither could anyone in that room. There was a deafening silence. Nobody moved an inch for a few seconds, which seemed to last forever. He was shocked. He didn't know how to react to it. In fact, for starters, he didn't even sense the gravity of it. It took him a moment to get a stock of what had hit him. But we should have seen it coming. I did sense the tone. But should have done better to restrain. The other also was equally perplexed. He just couldn't believe the way he had reacted. Probably he was more hurt of the two, cause he has never done it before. And when he did it, it was on one of his best friends and a person who deserved it the least.

The most difficult part as an observer in such situations is when you have to pick a side. Not that you have to. But the mind sorta goes into a moral quandary. Who crossed the line?

If you ask me, neither did. Or maybe both. You may sit for long and dissect the situation and look for answers, but you'll never find an easy one. That's friendship.
When you are in a long friendship, things are taken for granted. You don't draw lines. Even if you draw one, over the years, it blurs. But when some unexpected incidents happen, the line thickens.
And after that things will never be the same again. You might try like mad to heal it, but just doesn't work. You might still meet and talk, but you'll feel that there is a level of discomfort. Its difficult to see eye to eye. There is something, but that just can't be discussed. You want to, but you just can't. You so wish that it had never happened.

This is one of the tragedies of a great friendship. One minute you have everything and in the next, its all gone. There is no animosity. They still wish each other good things. But that thing that makes a friendship 'great' is lost in a whisker.

As far I see it, earnestly trying not to be schmaltzy, for what its worth, its really not fair to lose it all for something that happened in a moment of madness.

The Curious Case Of The Guy In The Other Room

A month ago. He would wake up at 1010. Not for the call of duty. It was for the call of an empty stomach. Get ready by 11. Get to office in 10 mins. Go and sit in the comfort zone. Mobilize people to watch a movie. Kill time till its time to take out the expensive racquet. Sweat it out on the wooden court and zoom home back in time to eat the 3 chapatis and watch that hideous guy on the 'color'ful channel. And follow it up with watching that fat english guy who is going around the country witnessing guys being hit repeatedly in the crotch or something weird like that. Amidst all this he is texting at a breakneck speed. He can put a 300wpm steno to shame. His day would fold at 2AM.

Now. He wakes up early enough to give me a run to the bathroom. This time it’s the call of duty. His ride to office isn't the do paiyyan anymore. Nor is it 10 mins. There is no comfort zone, except for the "beach" or something, besides which, he'll never have the pleasure of sitting. The racquet adorns his room's wall. Permanently. So I guess the only sweat he breaks now is in the sprint for the bus. He comes home at almost the turn of the new day. The eyes are bloodshot. All that he is interested now, is his sleep.

His life seems to have gone topsy-turvy. He didn't see this coming. Nor did he see some thing in his personal life, (has always been so very discreet about this) which seems to have reached the crux. He had got a beard going for a while. Maybe he doesn't want to be all that discreet. Yesterday he comes home around midnight, goes straight to the sink, foams his beard and gets rid of it. But there are more important things that he doesn't seem to be able to get rid off. There are a lot of things buried under the jovial carefree attitude. He seems to be disappointed with a lot of people in his life. But he doesn't seem to be blaming them. He looks helpless. His heart is in the right place. But there seem to be many external forces that are trying to displace it. He seems to be heeding to them.
I just hope he makes it out of all this unscathed.

Waiting For My Real Life To Begin

It had been a long time since I had heard a song to relate to or found interesting to interpret, until I heard, 'Waiting for my real life to begin' by Colin Hay, on the way to office. This song kicked up a lot of images in my head and started playing them frame by frame. I could relate to the song so well that I could attach each line in the song with a frame in my head. I was so into the song that it seemed like all this was happening in the sub-conscious mind, until the suspension less office "RV" threw me high enough to come to consciousness.

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

At the outset, the man (the main character) seems restless ("Suddenly nothing happened”,” Any minute now”,” check my machine"). But if you look at it closely it is the anticipation, the ambition that has come out by looking forward to the adventures that lie ahead in his new life. He is ready to take one more chance (Let me throw one more dice) for all that its worth for, because he is sure (I know that I can win) this time. He reassures her (the second character) to keep the faith in him (I already have a plan).
The part that I loved the most was:

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now

Life continues on, and our dreams end up unfulfilled; but that doesn't mean the dreams can't exist over and over again. It is the second character that says - its okay, don't worry so much about it, we can still make it happen.